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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27019336">teeth and lungs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emieo/pseuds/Emieo'>Emieo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars: Rebels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Branding, Ezra Bridger Has PTSD, Ezra Bridger Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kanan's starting to realize he loves this kid, Master &amp; Padawan Relationship(s), Panic Attacks, Parental Kanan Jarrus, Past Slavery, Protective Kanan Jarrus, Takes place between Gathering forces and path of the Jedi, Whumptober 2020, and he gets one</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:01:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27019336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emieo/pseuds/Emieo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in his life, he understands why his master made him run, why the only thing that mattered at that moment was her Padawan. </p><p>Because now, looking into Ezra's eyes, he knows he would do the same. </p><p>~</p><p>Whumptober prompts: branded, panic attacks</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ezra Bridger &amp; Kanan Jarrus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>teeth and lungs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW!!!:  Mentions of child slavery, panic attacks, mentions of child abuse.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>""Alright kid, I'm gonna need to to stay still" </p><p>Kanan tried to ignore Ezra's wincing as he proded the wound, scanning for the optimal place to apply the bacta. </p><p>"Kanan, I told you I could do this myself- Ah!"</p><p>A yelp of pain escaped the boy's lips as he curled into himself. Muttering an apology, Kanan moved his fingers away from the blooming red on the boy's shoulder.</p><p>"There's no way you're going to be able to reach it, let alone treat it properly." Kanan huffed as Ezra squirmed in his spot again, hissing as he moved his shoulder, another pang of pain jolting through his body. </p><p>Kanan winced at the sound, it was obvious Ezra was trying to muffle it, whether it be for Kanan's Comfort or his. The view of Ezra's back stopped him from seeing the boys face, but he could only imagine the look of pain sprawled on it. </p><p>Even now, in the safety of the Ghost, the two of them crammed into Kanan's bunk, the kid was still on edge.</p><p>It had been that way for the whole mission, and it had ended with Ezra getting a well-placed blaster bolt in the shoulder. Kanan had understood, of course, dealing with slavers was never anyone's idea of a comfortable situation, but Kanan noticed the way his Padawan stiffed at the briefing, the way his eyes had filled with panic when he was tasked with Picking the locks to the slave cells. </p><p>Kanan had felt it in the force. Their bond had gotten a lot Stronger since their run-in with the inquisitor on Empire day. The daily meditation Kanan had tasked his padawan with since his brush with the Darkside had helped strengthen their connection. Kanan could feel the strong notes of anger, sadness, fear and regret Singing to him over their tether. </p><p>t had only been cut off when one of the slavers had spotted Ezra and decided to give him a blaster bolt for his troubles. Kanan had felt it, a strong pull at the back of his mind made him turn before he even heard Ezra's scream. </p><p>He had seen the bolt travel into his padawan's back a second too late, sending him sprawling to his knees.  Kanan had run to cover him, a new feeling of urgency and dare he says protectiveness wash over him. He thanked the force that Hera had arrived when she did, allowing him to drag his pain-induced, yet still filled with adrenaline student on to <em>the Ghost</em>. </p><p>"Please, I've had a lot-" Ezar gritted his teeth as Kanan picked a peice of fabric that had gotten stuck in the burn away. "a lot worse..." </p><p>They had had ended up here, after at least ten minutes of Ezra insisting he was fine, he had finally allowed Kanan to lead him to his cabin. A promise of a quick patch up being the only thing keeping his padawan still. </p><p>"Ezra..." Kanan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You do this every time you get hurt, it's getting pretty old" </p><p>Ezra grumbles under his breath, huffing as Kanan rises off the bunk. </p><p>"Now, if you're done whining, I need your shirt off, I can't clean the wound properly with it on"</p><p>Kanan makes his way to the cabin door, making a mental list of supplies to gather from the med bay. He would have brought Ezra there in the first place, but he knew how much his padawan hated their small med bay, the smell of bacta and the brighter lighting of the room put him on edge and Kanan wasn't going to argue the location if it meant the damn kid would sit still for a minute. </p><p>Suddenly a strong jolt of fear spikes in the back of his head. He pauses, realizing the strong emotion is coming from the injured boy behind him. He turns to see Ezra staring at nothing, eyes wide yet unfocused, fear running rampant through his expression. </p><p>As if he'd been slapped in the face, the kid jerks up. "N-no, Kanan really, I'm fine, I swear." </p><p>Kanan wants to dismiss the outburst as Ezra trying to push him away, but something is telling him there's more to this then just pride.</p><p>Pride doesn't make someone look like they had just seen a ghost. </p><p>"What's wrong?" Kanan's eyes we're focused on Ezra, trying to grapple with the emotions of fear, regret and embarrassment being shoved into his mind. </p><p>"Nothing, nothing's wrong, I don't need you to baby me, Kanan, I can do this myself." </p><p>There's a shake in Ezra's voice that he can't quite ignore. Kanan sighs, his expression softening as he takes in the boys frightening features. </p><p>"Ezra, if I don't clean that wound it's going to get infected, just let me do this ok? we've already been over this, you don't have to go through these things alone anymore." </p><p>It's Kanan's usual spiel, he knows the kid's probably tired of it by now, but until his stubborn padawan gets the idea that they're not going to abandon him through his thick skull, then Kanan would repeat it as many times as necessary. </p><p>"I'll be right back, ok?" </p><p>Ezra doesn't answer, he's staring down at his hands, lips pursued together like he's contemplating something. Kanan takes the small victory of the fear in the boy's eyes being replaced with pondering, he still looked skittish, but Kanan hopes at least something he said had been retained. </p><p>Kanan steps out the door and makes his way to their small medbay. He gathers the needed bacta and a bottle of pain killer's, making sure it's not the ones that Ezra had an allergic reaction to last time, he makes his way back to his waiting padawan. </p><p>He tries to push the terrified look in Ezra's eye to the back of his mind. He wondered what he had said to make put him so on edge, what could have made him look like he was ready to space himself as opposed to looking his master in the eyes.</p><p>The fear in Ezra's eyes had reminded him of fort Anaxes. The way Ezra trembled in his arms, the Darkside seeping into his bones and threating to sollow him whole. </p><p>Kanan knows Ezra needs to be tested, but there's a part of him that puts it off, not to push Ezra to far, not to make him feel like he's a failure, a feeling that Kanna is much to familiar with. </p><p>Kanan pushes those thoughts to the back of his head as he keys the door open with his elbow stepping into the room and letting the dim lights of the cabinet fill his view. </p><p>"Alright kiddo, not gonna lie to you, this might be a little painful. last time I got a burn like that Hera had to-" Kanan cuts Himself off as he looks up from the bacta spray bottle he was examining. </p><p>In the far corner of the bunk is Ezra, knees drawn up to his chest and back hunched, flight suite still on and hands gripping at his jacket. He can't see the boy's face, but his padawan's shaking shoulders and the tremor in their bond is enough to tell him that something is wrong. </p><p>"Ezra?..." </p><p>Kanan sets the supplies on the small side table, his eyes never leaving the teen's trembling form. Kanan approaches, slowly lowering himself onto the bunk. Ezra flinches as the bed dips, curling further into himself, he hears a small wince as a hand comes up the clutch his injured shoulder. </p><p>"Ezra?, Are you alright?" </p><p>Kanan tries to keep his voice calm, but the feedback loop of fear, confusion and worry flowing between them is a little too overwhelming. </p><p>"I...I-I can't..." Ezra's voice is small, barely a whisper. Kanan looks at the boy in confusion, Wanting to reach out to him, but hesitant. </p><p>"Can't what?, Talk to me kid." kanan tries to keep his voice steady, not to let his uncertainty seep through. </p><p>Ezra breathes in a shaky breath. "I-I don't want you to see, k-Kanan I'm sorry y-you can't..." The kid's voice is weak, being cut by quick sharp gasps. </p><p>Kanan furrows his brow, trying to decipher what he was trying to say. He didn't want him to see?, Was this about taking his flight suit off?. </p><p>"Ezra, I'm not sure what you're trying to say?" Kanan feels useless at the moment, just another one of his failings as a master. </p><p>Ezra's shielding was incredibly weak. He had only introduced the boy to the concept of hiding his thoughts a couple of days after his brush with the Darkside. That was only about a week ago, the hours he had spent with his padawan, meditating and helping him atune Himself to protecting his vulnerable emotions weren't enough to hide them from Kanan.</p><p>Ezra's voice shakes again. "I... I can't show you, you'll... I'm sorry Kanan, I-I can't..." </p><p>Kanan reaches out to place a hand on Ezra's good shoulder. The boy visibly flinches and Kanan feels his heart squeeze.</p><p>"Ezra, is this about taking your shirt off?" Kanan's voice is gentle, he sighs, releasing a small chuckle from his chest, trying to lighten the mood. </p><p>"Kid, I get your uncomfortable, but trust me, you've got nothing I haven't seen before." </p><p>Kanan hopes this is all it is, just teenage embarrassment, but he knows better than that. </p><p>"No, Kanan it's..." Ezra pauses, uncoiling from himself as he finally looks Kanan in the eyes. "I... I don't want you to hate me..."</p><p>Kanan freezes at that. His heart squeezes in his chest as he looks into Ezra's eyes, electric blue filled with fear and shame. </p><p>"Ezra..." Kanan freezes heart, leaping in his chest at the confession. "Ezra, I would <em>never</em>, stars, why would you think that?" </p><p>Kanan was appalled. The fact that Ezra thought that something about his body could make his Master hate him shook Kanan to his core.</p><p>"Hey..." Kanan grabs Ezra's attention, he realizes the kids eyes have swelled with tears. </p><p>"I promise, you have nothing to be worried about, I'm not going to hurt you." </p><p>Kanan moves his hand from Ezra's shoulder to his forearm, tracing his thumb over the kid's arm in a way he hopes is comforting. </p><p>"Ok... O-ok..." </p><p>Ezra cuts Himself off with a deep breath, shifting himself on the bed so his back is to Kanan again. He slips his jacket off, wincing as fabric catches in the wound. Disposing of it onto the floor, Ezra lowers his flight suit, Kanan doesn't see him take off his undershirt as he reaches for the bacta spray on the side table. </p><p>"Alright kiddo, let's get this over wi-" </p><p>Kanan freezes, he drops the bacta spray onto the bed, all thoughts of the blaster wound forgotten. </p><p>Kanan now has a clear view of Ezra's back. It's littered with scars, long White lines that contrast against his dark skin. Most are fully healed, though some still a pink colour that Kanan notes to have not been treated properly and had gotten infected. </p><p>But it's not the scars that make Kanan's heart stop, no, they all had scars, Kanan wasn't surprised the kid had a set of his own. </p><p>It was the number on Ezra's shoulder. </p><p>Kanan couldn't keep his eyes off it, right below where the blaster bolt hit was a set of numbers. </p><p>
  <em>224</em>
</p><p>they're not tattoos. </p><p>Force, Kanan wishes they were just tattoos. </p><p>It's marked deep into his shoulder, he realizes what he thought to be ink was his padawan's chard skin. </p><p>It's a <em>brand</em>. </p><p>It's a karking <em>slave brand</em>. </p><p>He'd seen them before, on their many missions freeing slaves from the Empire or from Pirates. It was common practice, tag your merchandise so it was easier to track. It had made Kanan furious back then. </p><p>But now, sitting here, his broken padawan's past spelled out to him across his body, Kanan feels a kind of rage he hadn't felt since his master was gunned down. </p><p>"K-Kanan?..." Ezra's voice is quiet, barely a whisper, it pushes the dagger farther into his heart. </p><p>Kanan doesn't say a word, heart still beating out of his chest, he picks the bacta spray back up, head filled with thoughts and what-ifs. He lays his hand on the boy's shoulder, trying to inspect the wound, but the brand always catches his eye. </p><p>He administers the bacta spray, muttering an apology as Ezra winches. Dabbing a cloth to clean the dry blood, Kanan grabs the bacta patch, activating it, he presses it against Ezra's skin, securing the edges. </p><p>Kanan's fingers accidentally brush up against the brand, it makes his skin crawl, he knows Ezra felt it too because he flinches, his whole body shakes and Kanan wishes he missed the small, muffled sob Ezra was trying so hard to hide. </p><p>Kanan brushes his fingers against the bandage, the bacta would do its job, there wasn't much more Kanan could do. He catches his eyes travelling down to the brand again. He knows it's old, though it hadn't scared properly, leaving scabs and blisters on the boy's skin. </p><p>The feeling of rage is back in Kanan's heart again. </p><p>"It's done..." Is all Kanan Can muster. Ezra quickly nods, he watches as the brand disappeared, The red fabric of Ezra's undershirt shielding the sight from him. </p><p>Ezra's knees are drawn up to his chest again, knuckles white as he grips onto the leg of his flight suit, not bothering to pull the rest up. </p><p>They sit there, the silence is deafening. </p><p>Kanan doubts Ezra knows how hard he's projecting, Kanan can feel every ounce of shame, humiliation, and hated towards whoever did this to him. </p><p>"Ezra..." Kanna breaks the silence, he's not sure what else to say. He can't push him, the last thing he wants is for the kid to feel like he's in trouble, but he doesn't know how else to approach this. </p><p>His head tells him to demand answers, to track down whatever Sleemo did this and put a blazer bolt in their head. </p><p>His heart tells him that his broken padawan needs comfort, something that Kanan refuses to deny him. </p><p>"I'm sorry..." Ezra says it quickly, almost too quickly, like he expects Kanan to be mad at him. He watches as Ezra curls into himself, Kanan wants nothing more than to reach out to him.</p><p>"I-'m sorry, k-Kanan..."  a strangled sob escapes Ezra's chest, Followed by a hollow gasp. Ezra's hand comes to grip his chest, a flow of tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, <em>p-please</em>..." A terrified whine escapes Ezra's lips.</p><p>The sound makes Kanan immediately spring up off the bed, quickly sinking to his knees on the floor in front of Ezra. He takes the kid by the shoulders, looking him in the eye. </p><p>He's hyperventilating, quick gasps escape his chest. One hand is griping his chest and the other his carding through his hair, pulling at the dark locks. His terrified eyes lock with Kanan's. </p><p>Kanan feels his heart shatter. </p><p>"Ezra!?, Hey!, Come on buddy, you gotta breath." He quickly moves his fingers to Ezra's neck, checking his pulse, it's fast, way to fast for Kanan's liking. </p><p>Kanan quickly takes one of Ezra's trembling hands, pressing it to his chest. </p><p>"Come on kiddo, breath, breath with me" Kanan takes a deep breath in, letting it out through his mouth. He watches as Ezra tries and fails to copy him, only managing small, shallow gasps as opposed to the calming breaths Kanan is desperately trying to get out of him. </p><p>He can see Ezra's eyes start to roll back, he quickly jumps ups, catching his weak padawan in his arms, pulling him into his lap as he settles them both back to the ground. </p><p>He cradles Ezra against his chest, the boy's still shaking, eyes wide and unfocused. Kanan feels himself getting desperate, he runs his hand through Ezra's hair, trailing down to cup his cheek. Kanan's own hands are shaking now, reaching down to grip both his padawan's small hands in his. </p><p>"Come on Ezra, you can do it, breath, <em>please</em>" </p><p>He keeps up the calming breaths as he feels Ezra desperately trying to mimic him, he can feel the trembling lessen, the gasps don't come out as deep, though they're still too shallow for Kanan's liking. </p><p>Kanan smiles. "There you go, you're doing great, just a little more buddy." He feels Ezra squeeze his hand, a major reassurance that he hadn't gone into shock. </p><p>"K-k.. ka-kan..." Ezra gasps, his grip on Kanan's hand tightening </p><p>"<em>Shh</em>, don't talk, just focus on breathing, focus on me." </p><p>Kanan kicks himself for not understanding why Ezra was so hesitate in disrobing, he should have found a way around it, now his padawan was a sobbing mess in his arms because of his own obliviousness.</p><p>He reaches out into the force, grasping his padawan's weak signature. He opens his shielding, sending feelings of calm into the boy's mind, trying to ease the panic. He can feel Ezra brush back, it's weak, but it's something. </p><p>"You're ok Ezra, I promise, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." </p><p>The gasps finally stop, slowly turning into steady breaths that match up with Kanan's. He reaches out, his padawan's signature finally feeling stable again. </p><p>"There you are..." Kanan breathes a sigh of relief, holding Ezra closer. "You're ok, everything's ok..." </p><p>Ezra's panicked gasping had turned into sobs, his small body shaking in Kanan's hold. Kanan brings his hand up to stroke through the boy's hair, sending calm and affection through their bond. </p><p>"I've got you, I've got you, Ezra, everything's gonna be ok..." He feels Ezra's Head shake against his chest. </p><p>"N-no, n-no it's not!. I-I still belong to them, I-I escaped but that kriffing brand is still there!" </p><p>Kanan's Heart crack's, he pulls Ezra impossibly closer. </p><p>"You do <em>not</em> belong to them Ezra, do you understand me?, The only People you belong to is this family." </p><p>He means every word of that. He knows how hard it's been for Ezra to open up, hells, he had just found out what really happened to the kids parents a week ago, and now his padawan's deepest trama was being dug back up before his eyes. </p><p>The boy needed to be reminded that he was loved, and Kanan sure as hell wasn't going to let him forget it. </p><p>Kanan feels another sharp sob come from his padawan's chest, he rubs the kids back, trying to calm his soft hiccups. </p><p>"I-I thought you would hate me... I-I didn't want you to think I was d-dirty, or weak..." Ezra mutters into Kanan's chest, closing his eyes as he listens to the soft rumble of his master's voice. </p><p>"Ezra, I could never hate you, <em>never</em>, especially not for something like this, it's not your fault, non of it is." </p><p>He pulls back for a second to examine his padawan's face, his eyes are red and puffy, but they meet, the kid looks exhausted. Kanan takes his face in his hands, thumbs coming up the wipe the fresh tears tracks away. </p><p>Kanan feels it again, the protectiveness. He wants nothing more than to shield his padawan, keep him safe, make sure nothing could hurt him again, but Kanna knows he can't, and it shakes him to his core. </p><p>For the first time in his life, he understands why his master made him run, why the only thing that mattered at that moment was her Padawan. </p><p>Because now, looking into Ezra's eyes, he knows he would do the same. </p><p>He pulls Ezra back to his chest, his arms holding his shaking Padawan together. </p><p>"It happened so long ago, I was 9, they only had me for about a month, but I managed to escape before the auction..." Ezra begins again as Kanan tries to rid the vision of a nine-year-old Ezra, shackled, burned and terrified out of his head. "They didn't hurt me, I was one of the lucky ones..." </p><p>Kanan hums in response, squeezing him a bit tighter, a silent nudge to continue. </p><p>"That winter after I escaped was cold, coldest I'd remember. There was this couple, they had a farm on the outskirts. They let me stay with them if I helped out during the harvest, they were nice..." Ezra almost smiles to himself, before he breaths in deep again. </p><p>"But they saw the brand, I tried to explain it to them, but they didn't listen, they said they didn't want anything to do with slaves, they kicked me out, t-they abandoned me..." Kanan can hear the hitch in Ezra's voice, feel the new spike of sorrow through their bond. </p><p>Kanan tries to hide his anger. He thinks about what monsters would throw a child into the cold without a ounce of simpathy, but when he remembers all who turn a blind eye to the Empire on Lothal, the concept doesn't sound as strange anymore. </p><p>"I was so afraid, t-that you would kick me out too, I'm sorry, it's stupid, I-I just..." He can feel shame through the bond, but Kanan pushes it down. </p><p>"Hey." He hugs him tighter, figures running through his hair. "non of that is true, you are <em>not</em> a slave Ezra, you never we're and you never will be. You escaped, you survived, I'm so proud of you." </p><p>He starts again, pride filling his voice. </p><p>"We'll never abandon you, <em>never</em>, you're stuck with us, kiddo" </p><p>He hears Ezra huff out a laugh and Kanan's Heart finally feels calm again. </p><p>"Yeah, I know, thanks for reminding me." He feels Ezra pull away, dragging the back of his arm over his eyes. He smiles up at Kanan and Kanan returns it with his own. </p><p>The smile fades a bit, Ezra's hand rubs the back of his neck. </p><p>"Sorry, you had to see all that..." A spike of embarrassment hits the back of Kanan's head, the older Jedi sends reassurance to block it out. </p><p>"Hey, You don't have to apologize for anything, I've been in the same position more times them I could count, trust me, kid, I know it helps to have someone. If you ever feel like this again you come straight to me, you got it?" Kanan's hand grips the boy's shoulder, Ezra's smile returns to his face. </p><p>"Got it, master" Ezra's smile turns into a smirk as Kanan reaches out to ruffle the boy's hair.</p><p>Suddenly an idea comes to Kanan's mind. "Hey, you don't have to say yes, but I have some experience with tattooing, I'm no artist but I bet Sabine could whip something up, we can cover it, you won't have to be reminded of it anymore" </p><p>Kanan feels the joy in the force before he even sees it in Ezra's eyes. </p><p>"Really?, are you serious?" Ezra asks Kanan can feel the excitement through their bond. He doesn't even let Kanan answer before he tackles him in a hug, pressing his face into his master's chest. </p><p>"Thank you..." it's barely a whisper, but Kanan hears it louder than anything else.</p><p>He smiles deeper, nothing but fondness in his features, Holding Ezra tighter.</p><p>"Of course, anything for you." </p><p>It was the truth, Kanan didn't know when but at some point in the last six months he had decided that he would do anything for this boy. </p><p>Caleb Dume wouldn't Admit it, the fear of getting attached, the fear and losing someone so close would be too much to bare. </p><p>But Kanan Jarrus would, he would protect his padawan, he would follow in his master's footsteps. </p><p>Even if it killed him. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah finally back on the whumptober train woo!!!</p><p>I've been wanting to write something for Kanan and ezra's early relationship and cover the moment where Kanan finally realizes "shit I love this kid". Also sorry Ezra!, I'm constantly writing about this kids Truma from the streets, it's a interesting topic what can I say?. </p><p>Fun fact this was actually the concept for chapter three of inoccents died screaming, but I had changed the concept for that story so I kinda recycled the idea for a whumptober prompt, gotta be resourceful ;)</p><p>Kudos and feed back are extremely appreciated!!!, It's what keeps me writing!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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